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An Open Letter to Samantha Brick

*In response to a piece published online 4/3/12 via Mail Online

Oh Samantha, Samantha, Samantha what were you thinking? More importantly what was your editor thinking? I can see what clearly started as a fairly decent piece of writing regarding how attractive women find their looks can work against them surprisingly as often as they work for them. But then its as if you caught a glimpse of your well groomed hair in your computer monitor and began to let your mind (and sadly your typing fingers as well) get carried away with ideas of how charming and chic you find yourself. This is the part where a decent editor would have come to you, red pen in hand and smacked you across the face.

No one, and I mean literally not one soul outside of the woman who gave birth to you or that shotgun carrying husband of yours, wants to read about you. This could have been a sensational bit of writing if you hadn’t taken such a major turn that ended with your seemingly oversized ego crashing into a mob of apathetic readers with too much time on their hands and too little agreement concerning your apparent good looks. Then after such a backlash (of which you do deserve a bit, if anything just to tame that ego) you go ahead and write the equivalent of a school girl pouring out her heart in her diary. Trust me, no one (not even the shotgun carrying husband by this point perhaps) can find pity for a grown woman crying over people not thinking she is pretty, especially not after she so publicly announced her adoration for herself with seeming confidence and clear delusion.

The damage has already been done to both your self-esteem and the readership of Mail Online. Though the internet will never erase the memory of that time you lost your mind and shouted your own praises for all the world to scorn at, eventually the commenting will die down and then out. I suggest you immediately stop reading these comments otherwise the next headline we read will be: “Prettiest girl in the room jumps off of bridge due to decrease in free beverages”.

Below are some other suggestions assuming you have taken my first bit of advice above and live to see another day:

1) Who has that many photos of themselves? Never post that many pictures of yourself on the Internet. Ever. The story screams “I’m beautiful” and every photo caption should say: “see?” "I told you so". We get it, you are impressed with yourself at every angle.

2) Never write a strong general statement such as “women are jealous of my looks”. I think you can now see that when you generalize, every person who doesn’t agree feels a burning need to defend your accusation.

3) Stop blaming your failures on appearance but specifically the appearance of bitter overweight women. In fact, doesn’t it raise a question for you that those “unattractive” women managed to work their way to a higher level than you without using their looks (yes I mean “flirting with their boss” as you gently put it).

4) You should know that no one is forsaking you for believing you are beautiful. There are campaigns across the globe to encourage women to embrace their bodies so you’re ahead of that game. What turned people against you was the importance you placed on those looks and also the superior, pitying tone that your entire piece fed to the reader.

5) Confidence is sexy, cockiness is not. This will never change and you need to know where that line is or be ready to defend yourself when the fire comes down, like now.

6) The last thing you want to do as a women is alienate other women. They could be your biggest allies. Unfortunately the way to alienate as many people as quickly as possible is to tell them you are better than they are. Nicely done.

7) One thing you forgot to mention was how good cheekbones and blue eyes come in handy, not only for the free cocktails and accommodating valet drivers but also for getting a free pass. Being pretty means you might have an easier time getting out of a little trouble. This falls under speeding tickets, being unforgivably late to interviews and stealing parking spaces.

Unfortunately this little exiling that you’ve been object to - No amount of eyelash fluttering or lip pouting will help you out of this one. You’ll have to rely on something deeper; I sincerely hope for your sake, that there is something deeper.